How to survive long-distance friendships

New friends. Old friends. Which do you pick, when your new friends are with you at varsity, and all your friends from back home are scattered at various universities all over the country – or maybe even taking a gap year even further away? You start to think that maybe you should concentrate on the new friends you’ve made, who have so much in common with you and that you see everyday. Or maybe you don’t like the people at your varsity, and miss your friends from high school. Either way, this post is for you.

It’s easy to get swept up in the varsity vibe. You meet all these really amazing first years, and you start thinking that they are the coolest people you have ever met – way better than your old friends. While that may be true, there must have been a reason you’ve been friends with your mate from back home since you were both 5.

Chances are, the people you knew in high school knew you really well, and are trustworthy and fun to be with. Once you start spending time with your new varsity friends, you might start to notice their bad habits – like the way they don’t really listen to what you’re saying, only talk about themselves or how all your secrets mysteriously seem to become common knowledge.

It’s always good a good idea to keep in contact with your friends from school, because if there’s a crisis or you start having a mini-breakdown because you failed your third statistics test in a row, they are there for you. They know you very well and know what to say to make you feel better. And chances are, if you’re having major problems and you want to talk to someone, you’d rather talk to your friend of 4 years than the girl/guy you’ve known for 3 months.

Your ‘old’ friends know you well enough to tell you if you’re going off the tracks or over-reacting. They can help cure your Monday blues, just by talking to you. They’re a very important part of your life, and shouldn’t be replaced or discarded just because they’re a few hours away from you.

On the other hand, if you can’t seem to find the type of friends at varsity as you had back home, or you really miss your friends from school, that’s ok. It’s a big adjustment. One of my best friends is studying in Potchefstroom, and I only see her every few months or so. It sucks, but you can’t do anything about it.

You can simply try to email, SMS, phone and IM your long-distance friends as often as possible, and keep them up to date on developments in your life so that you don’t become strangers. Stay up an extra 15mins each night to check in with your ex bio-partner on Mxit. Email your friends funny jokes or pictures, or send them a post card from your university town. Message them on Facebook, or MMS them photos of the cute ‘I miss you’ teddy bear you spot when you’re out shopping. When you go home – even for short holidays – make a point of organising a mini-reunion.

It requires some effort, but when you see them in your December holiday and you have maintained your ability to make each other laugh until your stomachs hurt, you’ll realise that it was worth it.

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